Who seeks couples counseling?

Couples often seek couples counseling, a.k.a. marriage counseling, when they have tried a number of options to try and get their relationship to a point where they are communicating productively and happy to be with one another. This is difficult work. Seeking couples counseling allows a third person to be present during conversation to facilitate and guide meaningful conversations so that more productive communication and less unproductive communication occurs. You know the unproductive communication I’m talking about, that conversation that you have had with each other too many times to count. As a couples counselor, I see the relationship as my client. Part of the discussion will be making sure that both parties are equally invested in making the relationship better. It is my opinion that where there is trust, respect, and dedication, there is a way forward. At that point, it’s just a matter of getting through the difficult conversations, the baggage, and the vulnerabilities so that you can start understanding each other more and working better as a team.

What if I can’t get my partner to join me in counseling?

This happens. It is not uncommon for one partner to be more comfortable with counseling than the other. The goal is for both of you to come in for that first session, initially. Counseling can be daunting if seen as a series of grueling conversations and sessions, so just aim for that first one. That’s all that I ask. Great things start with difficult, humble beginnings.

What does couples counseling look like?

Couples counseling can take many forms. Most likely, we will be having conversations in my office about the relationship, what each of you would like to change about the relationship, and what prevents that from happening. Reasons for this vary, but in discovering these reasons we often uncover hard-to-admit truths, differing communication styles, defensiveness, power struggles, blame, feedback loops, wildly different life experiences, and unprocessed pain. My office serves as a safe haven for conversation where problems can be discussed without fear of retribution or judgment. I am very involved in a couples counseling session and will be very communicative with my thoughts in conveying what I see, hear, and feel during the session. Couples counseling can be intense, but this is a good thing. Intensity is better than apathy and it is my goal and responsibility to help guide that intensity toward a more positive outcome for both of you.

Some reasons couples seek couples counseling

• Premarital counseling

• Identity and role conflict

• Dependence/Independence

• Constant fighting

• Unbreakable patterns

• Lack of fulfillment

• Parenting

• Infidelity

• Domestic violence

• Physical or emotional abuse

• Sexual issues

• Religion

• Nontraditional relationships

• Trust issues

• Money problems

• Digital age issues such as social media and texting